Having a bit of an existential moment myself today.
Surely it doesn't matter that the data got entered late, the ironing's not finished and minutiae of who said what is recorded in the minutes. This crap doesn't matter; it's not a catastrophe. No one died, did they?
Except someone did die. I haven't spoken to her since we left school and we were never actually, you know...friends, as such. But I can still recall her voice and her long thin fingers. Her confidence in herself. Her peculiar handwriting. If there was ever someone who was funny and smart and filled to the brim with potential, it was her.
I don't know what she did with her life. But I know now she struggled. With something - I'll never know what, but the alcohol helped. Or she tried to make it better with alcohol. And now, at age 43, she's dead.
She mattered. She mattered to her family and all her friends and to those that knew her and were impacted by her being in their lives.
Surely all the bits and pieces that go to make up your life must mean something. Surely if we do what is right in our hearts it will be OK. And surely it's just time. Time to spend with the people in your life who are important. Time to get over things. Time to look forward to things. Time to just be.
So today, after I hit the "publish" button, I will turn off my computer. I will go for a walk with the dog. I will read stories with my kids. I will cook dinner for my husband. I will eat together with my family. We will talk. We will laugh. We might cry. I know I will cry. Because she mattered.